On your marks,

The right choice is often the one that is more challenging. I've noticed a pattern the past few days. Preparation. I have been laying all sorts of ground work all over the place. School, possible jobs, Ballet, church, even home. . . even my car! But this blog is about a blooming ballerina, so back to that!

I find myself wanting to dance all the time. The other day I was upset about something and my first impulse was to go dance. I like this. I have never been much of an "emotional compulsive eater", but I do have trouble, when Im down about stuff putting the effort into eating something healthy. That is to say, my initial reaction when upset isn't to chow. Which I am glad to have realized. But rather that when I'm distraught I get too lazy to even prep healthy food. Frankly, having thought about it; for some time the impulse has been to go walk or jog when upset by something. I must lay some groundwork for those days when preparing an intricate meal just wont peak my interest. Maybe a list on the fridge will steer me in the right direction. Simple Healthy meals that are reeeeeally simple. Such as this tuna salad recipe I got from my friend. (posted below) Its always the ease of junk food that gets me. Preparation will be key!

I arranged today payment through August, possible September for ballet. SO ECSTATIC! I will begin with 3 lessons per month. I figured that give ample time to practice new bits of knowledge in between each lesson. However dancing for an hour once every ten days will not trim much of anything where waistlines are concerned. I must improve my amounts of daily exercise. Because as I sit here listening to the rain plop down outside my window I'm wearing naught but a t-shirt & undies and frankly I don't like the sight beneath the laptop. Perhaps preparation will be key in this as well. I think I shall set a goal and write it down (or, more likely enter it into my phone). I have been doing at least 10 mins of ballet each day in addition to washing dishes while turned out and doing plies.... pretty much if I'm standing still, I'm turned out. To this lets add stretches, full body, everyday.( This will also be noted in phone) I have also walking a couple of times a week with a friend. We walk at least 2 miles each time we go. But I need to be more motivated and constant with when we go. I also need to not be a pansy and walk more than two miles. SOOOOO If I schedule a walk three days a week I could do tennis the other two. However that is contingent on another being willing to play. Meh.... I work it out. Ok, so thats 5 days of activity and then dance every 10 days. Yes, this is very much an achievable goal.

I think I like the direction things are going now. I feel more proactive, more in line with forward motion.

Tuna salad- yields 2 sandwiches*-

1 envelope tuna- usually about 2.5 oz- drained and patted dry. I used the kind packed H20.

1 stalk of fresh celery, including the leafy bits- chopped

1 Tablespoon dried cranberries- lightly chopped

1/4 fresh granny smith apple- I julienne mine- you don't have to, just make bite size bits.

1 Tablespoon of ground Flax seed

1-2 Tablespoons miracle whip or mayo- go easy on it

1-2 Tablespoons apple cider vinegar- to thin the miracle whip/mayo

Salt and pepper to taste

2 slices 12 grain bread

In a bowl that is slightly bigger than you think you would need, mix the vinegar with the mayo or miracle whip. Place everything else in the bowl mix gently until everything is coated. Put half on one slice of bread, top with the other slice of bread.

- Since its just me eating this, I put half away in the fridge before assemble the sandwich.

* This yield is plenty for 3 sandwiches easily. But I eat just this with a glass of almond or soy milk, so I go with just 2 portions.

First position.

I have set off on a journey; that I have subsequently decided to document. At the age of 26, weighing approximately 280 pounds, and being 5ft 9 inches in height; I have taken my first ballet class. Having always gravitated toward the artistic and expressive parts of life I find it a natural step. Like with my writing, photography and music, dance feels a natural part of me. As though I have open a door to a secret garden within me that I wasn't even aware of. So here I go. With a blog- name-thingy inspired by the 90's-tastic Blind melon "No Rain" video. Blog one.

Growing up in a lower middle class home with divorced parents, I never had the opportunity to take dance classes during childhood. I did gymnastics for a few summers, but never did the dance thing. As far back as I can remember I have viewed myself as fat. Along with all the negative images and feelings that go with it. I seem to recall these feelings shading all that I did. Or didn't do, as the case may be. In elementary school we had what were called "field days". Simply put, this one day a year was the bane of my existence from the 1st-5th grade. It was the day when parents came and everyone went outside to do horrible relay races up and down the field. Being a what I perceived as a fat child I absolutely dreaded this event. The thought of running around in front of people, possibly missing my cue to run or grab the baton, or worse yet falling, made my stomach leap to levels of activity the rest of my chubby little body never saw. I was relieved when elementary school was over. Little did I know what horrors middle school held.

So here I am, 20 some odd years of fatness later. I am what I would call a "hobbyist". I sing, opera actually. But I haven't majored in it. I write but make no money at it. My photography, while excellent in my mind has yet to equal a steady income. My exercise/ athletic interaction is the same. For a few years in my early 20's I walked and jogged a lot. Partially because of my job at the time. And partially because it helped me improve me body and allowed me time to think. The going for a walk or jog when I need to work things out in my mind is still a habit I have. Tennis is another hobby I have. I picked it up in middle school. It was around this time in my life that the positive aspects of team sports entered my mind. I realized that if I were to make the team I would have conditioning and tennis practice to help me get fit. This thought would re-emerge at the end of my freshman year, this time in the form of cheerleading. I'm OK at tennis, most of my returns still end up in someone else's court though. Which brings us to ballet. Me and a room full of mirrors. Knowing that the teacher would need to assess my body to determine whether or not I was suited for ballet, I elected to wear yoga pants and a Gap tank top. I will not make that mistake twice. The sight of my ham arms waving back at me from the reflection was sobering. As was the image of my dimpled thighs and stomach jiggling with each plie´. Fearing a foot would snap in half with each releve´ I followed the movements of the teacher. Gaining a glimmer of hope with each nod, smile and positive encouragement the teacher had for me, I finished out the hour long class. I am a fat girl. My stomach is not flat and my thighs touch all the time. . . .Not just when I'm turned out. History and health aside I have one more obstacle. Money. I am also one of the unemployed masses that are so common these days. Three hurdles to jump. Can I do it?